Turning Point

Written October 12, 2013 By Sarah

One year ago, today was the last day I spent in my old life. 

After a family reunion for my side of the family my husband mentioned, “My family should be doing this type of thing.   There’s no reason why we shouldn’t be getting together like this.” 

Reunion Shirts

So he mentioned it to them, and by doing so, nominated himself organizer.  After months of researching and throwing out ideas and having the ideas considered and then reconsidered, after trying to coordinate schedules between many busy families, and after finally coming together on a destination and time, a Kelly Family Reunion was organized and excitedly anticipated.  John even designed T-shirts and had them silk screened.




I spent the days before busily preparing meat for pulled pork sandwiches and organizing games to keep toddler to grandpas entertained.  I grumbled about minor irritations that come when trying to keep 25+ people satisfied with arrangements, and then we were finally on the way. 

To be honest, looking back now, that first day is a blur.  Food, chatting, picking rooms in the hotel suite, being impressed with the posh high end bathrooms and bedding, cousins running, laughing, playing.  It was exactly what John wanted it to be.

Then October 13^th came.  The first day of the rest of my life. 

In the afternoon some went down to the pool and some stayed to watch the football game or nap.  Many of the details of that time down to the pool are sacred and private.  I will only say that Kate came to me concerned about a “boy she didn’t know sleeping at the bottom of the pool” and I went to investigate. 

It is amazing how many thoughts and realizations can pass through a person’s brain in a split second.

The realization that one of your worst nightmares has become reality is amazingly, horribly, surreal and I do not allow myself much time lost in the thought of that split second. 

In that moment I had an involuntary reaction.  Probably more involuntary than my heart beating.  I jumped into the water and retrieved the “sleeping boy”.  I only include this information because it is part of my experience that made that day a turning point in my life. 

Four-year-old Miles, my nephew, was life flighted to Primary Children’s Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah.  The next 2 days felt like weeks stretched into months. 

Baby Isaac

Once, when Isaac was a brand new baby he contracted an eye infection.  Every time he woke up his poor little eye was sealed shut with gunk (and for a new born baby, that is many times during a day and night).  It would begin to heal and then come back with a vengeance.  I was suffering from the beginnings of a breast infection, recovering from a rather traumatic c-section where I lost a lot of blood, I was sleep deprived and trying to transition from a mom of two to a mom of three.  I was completely overwhelmed.  The eye infection was the proverbial straw on the camels back.    Finally, feeling completely powerless, one night I couldn’t take it anymore and I knelt down and begged my Father in Heaven to heal my baby’s eyes.  The need I felt was intense and real and it was something I could not do for myself.  The next morning his eye was completely clear and the infection never came back. 

It was like my heart had returned to that desperation a thousand fold, on my knees for the next two days, running between home and hospital.  I begged my Heavenly Father for another miracle.  I pleaded with Him. Completely out of control, I knew only He had the power.  I explained that this thing was too much.  Too much to ask of Miles’ parents.  Too much to ask of anyone.  As a family we prayed; we fasted; we cried; we waited and waited.  Until, finally, Mark and Andrae had to make the unimaginable decision to let their son go and to say goodbye. 

These three days, one year ago, have completely changed the way I see the world and the way I define my life.  I have questioned every thing I ever thought I knew and have spent many late nights and very early mornings trying to make sense of my new world.  On those nights, when sleep is dismissed by the tornado of thoughts raging in my head I get up, pull out my computer and I write it all down.   Once those thoughts are out of my head and on the screen (usually) I can sleep. 

Lately I have been contemplating why this is.  And I’ve decided to share some of these thoughts publically with my friends and family in the hopes that some of the conclusions I’ve come to in the past 12 months are actually lessons that God has taught me and would be of worth to you. 

I am not a writer.  Words do not flow for me or from me.  More than likely I will be doing more digging and wrestling than flowing, but I hope that you might get something from what I have to say.  If nothing else, at least I’ll be able to get some sleep.

(Here is a link to Miles' family's blog.  It is really beautiful and I think you'll really enjoy it.)