So, I called my sister-in-law, Jenny,
the other day to tell her that I had a confession to make, something I had been
feeling very guilty about…I told her, that for the last 3 years or so I had been
holding a grudge against her youngest son, Jared. What kind of adult holds a grudge against an innocent
child? Me…terrible, I’m aware!
You know, you hear all the time before
you get married, that you have no idea how hard it will be, and the first thing
that pops into your mind is, “Not my marriage. We are so in love.
We talk about everything, and so it won’t be hard for us!” WRONG! And then, even before you start having
kids, you look at other mothers or families or just the rotten kids and think
to yourself, “Not me…I will never do it that way! Never bribe them, never give in to their tantrum just to
escape humiliation. My kids will
never act like that in the first place!”
You’re an instant parenting expert from the 2 times you baby sat as a
teenager. WRONG!!! Why do we
never listen to the experienced?
Good grief, I don’t know, but back to my apology, which after this, will
also be in writing.
 |
| Family before McKinley |
Okay, so 4 years ago when my husband,
Lincoln, was graduating from nursing school, his family came up to watch him
graduate and celebrate with us.
His mom and dad came, and his sister Sarah came, and she had in tow, her
3 young kids and had also brought with her sister's (Jenny) 5 year old son, Jared. At the time, Lincoln and I had Carter who
was 4 and Nixon age 2. So, of
course we were complete experts already when it came to raising children…WRONG! We decided to go out to dinner before the ceremony, so we
all piled into Texas Roadhouse for dinner, there we were also joined by Lincoln’s
cousin’s wife, Tiffany and her son Jonas who was also only about 16 months old. In case you’ve been counting, this was
not enough adults for this amount of very small children! But, we struggled through. We had some time before the ceremony
began, and since Linc’s school was right next to a beautiful park, we thought
it would be great to let the kids get some energy out before wrangling them in.
 |
| Jared, in the infamous "Grandma's Sweater" after the ceremony. |
After being at the park only a short
time, I notice that Jared, my mother-in-law and Sarah had disappeared. I’m starting to panic that we will not
be able to round everyone up in time to make it to the ceremony. Then, Sarah appears, looking angry,
amused, and bewildered all at the same time. She tells me that Jared has pooped his pants, like REALLY
pooped his pants (non-salvageable) and her mom was still in the bathroom
cleaning him up with paper towels and water, mind you, this is a park bathroom
if you’re trying to picture it.
When they finally emerge, poor Grandma…Jared is wearing a diaper and
Grandma’s sweater around his waist!
And, to top it all off, he appears to be finding this hilarious! Not the pooping part, just the ensuing
ensemble. I lost my mind! All internally of course, but
seriously, I thought, “What kind of 5 year old poops his pants in public and
the does not even care that he is wearing Grandma’s sweater and a diaper! My kids would NEVER do this!” WRONG!
 |
| Dad, Nixon, Mom |
So, fast forward past the stares we all
received at graduation and it is now 4 years later, my kids are now 7, 5 and we
have a 10 month old little girl named McKinley. Nixon has begun Kindergarten and is loving it! We knew his kindergarten transition
would not be as easy as Carter’s, as he is NOT Carter. Let’s just say, it has been poop
filled, and I don’t really love dealing with poop! He pooped his pants at Carters soccer practice, like filled
his shoes with poop…I had to clean up a trail of poop from where we were
sitting to the van, so that the other kids would not be stepping in my 5 year
old sons poop! As I stooped to pick up each little Nixon nugget the
embarrassment increased exponentially.
Did I mention I had just made a friend with one of the other soccer moms
when this happened in front of both of us?
Then, he pooped his pants the next day on his way to the
bathroom. We attributed all of
this to his long days at school combined with the overwhelming excitement he
was experiencing. Then, we had a
few days without an accident until open house night at school!
 |
| McKinley: Hard to believe someone so cute, could make such a mess |
My boys were so excited for us to be
there, and as usual we were running a little late. When we got out of the car we noticed that McKinley was in
need of a diaper change. I had 1
wipe in my bag…but I had wipes in the glove box! They were dried out.
So, we went into the school to change her…Linc hands me the baby, I head
into the restroom…no changing table.
Luckily my bag has an awesome built in changing pad, so I laid her on
the floor. As I go to lay her
down, I discover poop all over me!
McKinley is covered in it as well. Panic…I call from the bathroom that
Nixon will have to come help me…he is not enough…luckily ONE lady took pity on
me, wet my wipes at the sink and helped me with this insane mess while Nixon
held McKinley’s hands above her head.
It took forever and a whole lot of ingenuity on all parts to clean this
up, but at last it was done and I still had some clothes on, thanks to
layers! McKinley however was
wearing an ill-fitting and wrong season dress that was all I had in the diaper
bag. We have still not been to
either classroom. We decide to go
to Nixon’s first, since this is his first open house, and is practically
shaking with anticipation. I on
the other hand am shaking with nerves and nausea, from carrying a diaper bag
bulging with poopy clothes wrapped up in paper towels, it wreaked. Then, I look down to discover “mud” on
the knee of my jeans! I might pass
out. This school is packed and I
stink like poop! I was not sure I
would make it through that night.
I could tell no one wanted to be near me, although I assume most of them
blamed my sweet baby girl for the smell.
I had to maneuver very carefully so I would not rub “mud” from my jeans
onto others, but eventually we made it out! Granted, this was not McKinley’s fault in any way, there has
just been an insane amount of poop out of place lately!
 |
| Nixon |
Now for the last bit…I go to pick Nixon up from school along with our friend Tylia. I notice Nixon walking a bit funny, and looking a bit “lumpy”. I decided I really wanted to be a patient mommy today and not look like a lunatic yelling at him. After we dropped off Tylia, I asked Nixon if he would like to talk to me about the poop in his pants. He very calmly said, “Well, there was someone in the stall, so I HAD to poop my pants.” He said this as though it were the only logical thing to do. When I asked him why he did not tell his teacher, he said that he had, but she didn’t do anything. I calmly told him, “Bull crap you did!” Turns out he had pooped his pants while in the bathroom after lunch and when he had been missing from the classroom for quite a while one of his teachers went looking for him and heard him in the stall, he told her he was going poop and apparently there was a great deal of flushing and shuffling going on, he eventually came out and although he smelled, they just figured he hadn’t wiped super well. Can you imagine sitting through another hour of school with a load in your pants? Again, why is this 5 year old not embarrassed beyond belief???
There are so many other little pieces
and feelings to this story, but I think you get the point. I truly was not sure I was going to
keep this particular child if he kept this up much longer. We have all heard the saying “s@#$
happens” and I am here to testify that that is true. Forever now, when we drop
him off in the morning he gets a “friendly” reminder not to poop his
pants. And, when we pick him up
the first thing we say after, “How was your day?” is “Did you poop your pants?”
And so I say, “Jared I am so sorry I ever doubted you would turn into a human
being with sense. I love you very
much!”
Has this taught me my lesson that all
kids make crazy annoying terrible mistakes and there is no controlling it, just
guiding and praying? Yes. Will I ever again ignore advice given
to me, thinking I know better?
Most likely.
No comments:
Post a Comment